for summer, all for summer
in the soft belly of summer
READ. Like the book in your hand in burning and you must finish it. like it is the last book you will ever read. start the next knowing it will only finish. start another and confuse their stories together. create something new. read. read. the book in your hands is on fire and there is a burning in your stomach for something more, and the book won’t stay forever. Consume it while you can. your lover. the book. keep it. kiss it. dip it in the sea. thrown it in the fields. keep it. torment it. love it. read it. you’re burning. read on the beach. in the churches. in the fields. in the café. in bed. on the floor. in the sunlight. see how long you can go without turning on a light in the evening. read. you’re burning. summer is burning. let it burn on you. The sun on your skin. In your mouth. Open your mouth for it. Let it in. WRITE. everything. no matter how small. confessions. prayers. longing. write your name with your fingertips on the walls as your past. the shadows will linger. the walls will remember you. lay in your sun. start a love affair. summer is your love affair. hold it. tight. the longest day has already passed.
from the summer solstice. watching the sea. just past sunset. the sky amber and rose. the sea green and lilac.
WATCH. everything. films. documentary. people. learn how people act from watching. watch. everything. the ocean and the trees. sunlight. stars. the moving night. shadows on the walls. follow them. see where everything takes you. make no plans. let the smoke of the summer guide you. CAPTURE. everything and nothing. capture and let it still. on your phone. a camera. It doesn’t matter. Watch the sea and desire its melodies. watch people from a distance. create stories in your head. sit outside. drink slowly. watch. watch. promise me to watch. watching is learning. keep a notebook of observations. kiss each page before bed. kiss your palms each night. wash them in the sea. kiss them straight after. mingle yourself with the earth. let it take you. it’s cherry season. eat them. stain under your nails. it will turn blue. stain your tongue. seep the juices deep into your teeth.
papa and I went to the cinema. We came out. nearly ten. the little bar was still open. two americanos. walked past the church. from the window the spiral staircase. I’d like to sit there. watch. watch.
Be VULNERABLE. DESIRE. let me whisper you a secret, when I was eight, maybe eleven, the age doesn’t matter, maybe it does, I watched a pastor smoke a cigarette, leaning against the churches exterior wall. I thought, I’d like him to teach me to smoke my first cigarette. I’d like him to teach me to smoke my first cigarette, outside of the church. Closer to God. Closer to His belly. Closer to somewhere where I could repent afterwards. I never was really religious, but I’d watch fervently the little gold cross that my grandmother always wore around her neck. DESIRE. Everything. Nothing. Desire the sea and her melodies and try and capture the fluidity of water into words. Light incense and dance in the smoke. Dance in the shadows. They’re laughing. They’ll never know how it feels. Play your music loud in your headphones. Lift the bottom of your skirt for the sea. Lift it to walk up steps, no matter how short it is. Always lift it. Whats life without a little eroticism? Desire. Desire. Pour your words onto a page. Tell your pillow every single desire you’ve ever had. I want him to teach me how to smoke my first cigarette.
fig tree and here I listen to the church bells. two. sun hot on my cheeks. watching the light on the fig tree.
EAT. the fruits are growing for you. eat them. thick. until they fill your stomach. until they stain your lips. finish every piece. drink the juice. BITE. your lips. wear lip liner messy and dark. you’re gently kissed by nature. lips bitten. your love affair with summer. cheeks flushed. hair messy. swept by the sea. dark eyes. deep lips. tanned shoulders. Dionysus in your stomach. Burning Desire.
the beach. a haven. a heaven. tempt me. take me. waiting for an Odyssey.
for summer. all for summer.
dearly, Beatrice.